So all my life I've tried to be the best person I could be, I've Never consciously set out to do harm to anyone. I've been kind, compassionate, giving, supportive, dedicated, honest, generous. (I have been told all these thing about myself, so I'm not bragging) I have often been drained to the breaking point from giving of myself. And what has been the reward of all of this?
I have been used, abused, taunted and taken advantage of all my life. It makes me feel like I missed my chance for happiness by being nice. (There's a new curse for you, nice is a four letter word.)
I want friends but I'm afraid of the commitment now, afraid that friends will be a burden.
My only hope is that heaven is real, and that when the time comes I will be accepted. If it is real I can't wait to get there, but don't worry, self murder assures you will not get in, and as it is my only hope of happiness I won't blow it that way.